Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
