Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
