Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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