ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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