Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ketchup is God's man juice
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
