I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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