If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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