i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
