My nipple is on Facebook.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
