She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
