Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize