Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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