it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
