Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
