walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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