I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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