Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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