omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
