if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that's an acceptable place to lick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
