Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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