I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
