remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
as a side note pls kill me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
