There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
