AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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