Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
