I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
