Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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