And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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