Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
