Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
