worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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