and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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