you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
