if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
