She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
