Someone shit on the floor
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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