I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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