I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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