This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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