Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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