my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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