some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
