Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
