Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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