just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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