Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
