I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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