All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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