At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
