Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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