She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
