i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
