I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
