yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
