From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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