i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
