You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize