She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
