So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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