well I can't set my house on fire every night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
