hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
