I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
