Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
