You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
