Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
