why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
