I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize