it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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