we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How external is "for external use only"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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