How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
