Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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