i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
