my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
