i think i have two assholes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
