I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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