She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
